Discernment, Leadership, and the Church Jesus Protects
“Pastors Come and Go”
I once heard a church council leader say, “Pastors come and go. What matters is the Church.”
At first, the statement sounded pragmatic—even faithful. After all, the Church belongs to Christ, not to any one leader. But the longer I sat with it, the more troubling it became.
If by Church we mean the people of God—the body of Christ—then leadership matters profoundly. Scripture treats shepherding not as a replaceable role, but as a sacred trust. Yet, if by ‘Church‘ we mean the institution—its continuity, reputation, budget, and brand—then leadership can become disposable, and accountability can quietly disappear.
This article explores what happens when churches drift toward narcissistic leadership or narcissistic systems, drawing heavily from Chuck DeGroat’s When Narcissism Comes to Church. The goal is not to attack pastors or leaders, but to educate, inform, and inspire discernment—for the health of Christ’s Church and the protection of His people.
A Necessary Clarification: What This Article Is (and Is Not)
This is not an attempt to diagnose individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Most harmful church leadership does not involve clinical diagnoses.
Instead, this article examines patterns of leadership and systems that consistently produce spiritual harm—patterns that therapists, pastors, survivors, and Scripture itself recognize.
As DeGroat emphasizes, narcissism in the Church is less about vanity and more about power, image, control, and unaccountability—especially when those dynamics are spiritualized.
We are talking about fruit, not rumors. Systems, not gossip. Discernment, not cynicism.
What DeGroat Helps Us See: Leaders and Systems
One of DeGroat’s most important contributions is helping us distinguish between:
1. Narcissistic Leaders
These leaders often appear gifted, visionary, and practical. Many churches first experience them as “answers to prayer.” Common patterns include:
- A deep need to be admired or centered
- Difficulty receiving criticism or correction
- Controlling narratives (“God is doing something special here”)
- Spiritualized defensiveness (“Questioning me is questioning God”)
- A pattern of relational fallout that is always someone else’s fault
These leaders may sincerely believe they are serving God. However, over time, their leadership shifts less from shepherding people and more toward protecting an image.
2. Narcissistic Systems
More dangerous—and more enduring—are systems that reward these traits.
A narcissistic system does not require a narcissistic personality to function. It is a culture organized around:
- Image management
- Loyalty over truth
- Silence over honesty
- Growth over formation
- Protection of the institution over protection of people
This is how churches survive leadership turnover without fundamental change. Pastors do come and go—but the culture remains.
This is where statements like “the pastor doesn’t matter, the church does” reveal something more profound: a theology where the institution quietly becomes untouchable.
Scripture Has Always Warned Us About This
Modern psychology may give us vocabulary, but Scripture gives us clarity.
Ezekiel 34:1–10 — Shepherds Who Feed Themselves
God’s rebuke is unmistakable:
“Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock?”
The sin here is not incompetence—it is self-centered leadership that benefits from the flock without caring for it.
1 Peter 5:1–4 — Shepherding God’s People
Peter warns leaders explicitly:
- Not for dishonest gain
- Not domineering over those entrusted to you
- But being examples to the flock
This passage dismantles leadership cultures built on control, fear, or unquestioned authority.
Diotrephes (3 John 9–10)
Diotrephes “loved to be first,” rejected accountability, and expelled dissenters. This is not modern psychology—it is biblical diagnosis.
Matthew 23
Jesus condemns leaders who are obsessed with recognition, titles, and appearance, while neglecting justice, mercy, and faithfulness.
The pattern is ancient. The harm is not new.
The Fruit: How Narcissistic Leadership Wounds the Church
Rather than speculating about motives, Scripture teaches us to examine fruit.
In churches shaped by narcissistic leaders or systems, common outcomes include:
Spiritual Disorientation
Members learn—often implicitly—that loyalty to leadership equals loyalty to God. Questioning becomes rebellion. Discernment becomes “division.”
Fear and Silence
People stop asking hard questions. Survivors stop speaking. Whistleblowers are reframed as threats.
Scapegoating and Shame
When conflict arises, blame is displaced downward. Those who raise concerns often carry the consequences, while systems remain unchanged.
Loss of Trust
Many people do not leave because they reject Jesus. They leave because they cannot reconcile Jesus with what they experienced in His name.
Mission Drift
Growth metrics, fundraising, and reputation slowly replace the patient work of spiritual formation.
None of this happens overnight. It happens incrementally, faithfully, and often “for the sake of the mission.”
Discernment Without Cynicism: Patterns to Watch For
Healthy discernment does not assume the worst—but it does pay attention.
Green Flags (Healthy Leadership Cultures)
- Shared leadership and real accountability
- Transparent finances and decision-making
- Leaders who repent publicly and genuinely
- Space for disagreement without retaliation
- Clear policies that protect the vulnerable
Yellow Flags (Pause and Pay Attention)
- Emphasis on loyalty over integrity
- Dismissal of criticism as “negative” or “divisive.”
- A culture of exceptionalism (“We’re not like other churches”)
- Increasing secrecy is framed as “wisdom.”
Red Flags (Harm Is Likely)
- Retaliation against those who speak up
- Spiritual language is used to silence questions
- No meaningful external accountability
- Leaders are protected while others are sacrificed
- Repeated harm is explained away as a misunderstanding
Discernment asks: What happens to people who tell the truth here?
A Better Way: Leadership That Reflects Christ
The answer is not leaderless churches or suspicion of authority. Scripture affirms leadership—but it also defines it with sharp clarity.
For Pastors and Leaders
- Form character more than brand
- Welcome accountability that limits power
- Build structures that restrain the ego
- Seek spiritual direction, not just strategic insight
- Remember: shepherding is about care, not control
For Churches and Councils
- Design governance that protects people, not platforms
- Normalize questions and lament
- Create independent pathways for reporting harm
- Measure faithfulness, not just growth
The Church does not need stronger personalities. It requires deeper formation.
Why This Matters
Christ loves His Church. And because He loves His Church, He exposes what harms it.
Naming narcissistic patterns is not rebellion—it is an act of care. Discernment is not cynicism—it is faithfulness. And accountability is not division—it is protection.
The goal is not to tear down leaders, but to build churches where power is held humbly, truth is welcomed, and people are safe.
That is the Church Jesus protects.
This article aims to explore leadership patterns and systemic dynamics within churches, with a focus on theological care and pastoral concern. It does not diagnose individuals or presume intent. Christians may interpret and apply these insights differently, depending on their context, tradition, and conscience. Scripture consistently calls leaders to humility, accountability, and shepherding love, and calls the Church to discernment rooted in truth and grace.
References & Further Reading
- DeGroat, Chuck. When Narcissism Comes to Church. IVP, 2020.
- Ezekiel 34; 1 Peter 5; Matthew 23; 3 John
- DeGroat interviews (Carey Nieuwhof, Denver Institute, The Allender Center)
- Resources on spiritual abuse and misuse of authority in faith communities
- Karnes, T. E. (1980). A Program of Follow-Up In the Local Church. https://digitalcommons.georgefox.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1173&context=wes_theses